Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2023

[bluidkiti]

July 31

Quote of the Week

"You’ll never have it all together. That’s like eating once and for all."

I’ve wasted a lot of time and energy waiting for everything to be just right, but it’s never turned out that way. I felt if only I could get that perfect job and make a certain amount of money, then I’d finally stop worrying. I did get the job, and I made even more money, yet I still had financial insecurity. I hoped that when I met the right woman, then I’d be complete. Turned out that was a complete mess. Finally, I knew that if I could only control and enjoy my drinking, then everything would be okay. Instead, I ended up in A.A.

As I sat in meetings for the first few months, I was sure that if I could only get ninety days, then I’d be okay. Then, at the nine-month mark, I hoped I’d feel a lot better at a year. Then I waited to complete my Steps—for the second time! My experience has been that parts of my life get better, but there are always other areas that need work. And sometimes, areas that I thought were fixed need some attention again. As I struggled to accept this, my sponsor reminded me of today’s quote.

When I remember that I’ll never have it all together, I can finally let go of the illusion of control. What a relief I feel as I turn my will and my life, once again, over to a God of my understanding. As soon as I empty myself of my demands for the way I think things should be, I am able to accept and appreciate the way things are. As I set to work on a current gratitude list, I’m able to reflect on everything I’ve already been given. And that’s when I realize that by not having it all together, I can remain open to the unexpected gifts yet to come.

[bluidkiti]

August 7

Quote of the Week

"Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake."

Lately, things haven’t been going my way. Small things as well as big, scary health-related issues have come up that are definitely not what I wanted and can’t be good for me. As I climbed up on my pity pot and started collecting even more evidence why and how the world had it in for me, I heard today’s quote and things began to shift.

In the past, Poor me, poor me soon led to pour me another drink. In recovery, however, I am able to shift my perception and ask, “What might God’s will be for me here?” This almost always leads me to ask how what I’m going through can benefit or help another. No matter how far I’ve fallen, or how rough my road has been, each experience I’ve had enables me to be of service to others.

As I looked at my current set of challenges through the lens of service, I suddenly felt lighter. I realized I wasn’t alone, and that by involving others I could benefit from their experience, strength, and hope. I also realized that together we would grow from this experience, and we would learn new ways to help others through common difficulties. As I reframed what was going on in my life as opportunities for growth, I realized the wisdom in the saying, “Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.”

[bluidkiti]

August 14

Quote of the Week

"Keep it simple; get stupid."

I’m a pretty complicated person. I not only tend to think about things, I like to overthink them. “What if this or that happens?” is one of my favorite thoughts. “What will he or she do and what will or can I do if they do?” On and on my obsessive thinking goes, questioning, worrying, doubting, and always trying to manipulate situations to get what I think I want. And it’s not only this way with problems. I’ll question and think my way out of good solutions also. I am too smart for my own good, and I seemingly have little interest in simple suggestions.

When I entered the program, I saw a sign on the meeting room walls that said, “Keep it simple.” I didn’t agree and started arguing with people as I tried to think my way around the Steps. And that’s when someone suggested that I “get stupid.” At first I was offended, but then he said that by keeping my focus on the simple things like attending meetings, not drinking one day at a time, and reading the literature I would discover an easier, softer way and my life would get better.

It took a lot of work to “get stupid,” but I found that the simpler I made things, the easier my life became. The more I “let go and let God,” the less I had to try to control, manipulate, and force my will on things. By resigning from the committee in my head and becoming humble enough to admit that perhaps I didn’t know better after all, I became more comfortable in my own skin. Today, I can still complicate any problem or situation, but then I remember the wisdom of “getting stupid,” and realize how simple the solutions really are.

[bluidkiti]

August 21

Quote of the Week

"You can always restart your day."

The first time I heard this quote, it was a revelation to me. I could start my day over? This was so unlike the way I had lived my life, I could barely comprehend it. My usual way of living was to wake up and wait for something negative to set the tone for my day. An angry or hurt look from my girlfriend, a driver cutting me off, or just not getting what I wanted, and that was it—the whole day was ruined. And with this attitude, I’d ruin everyone else’s day as well.

Early into recovery, I looked for negative events to once again launch me into my day, and I found plenty. Many days I woke up with a new sense of shame or hopelessness as I struggled to put my life back together or stay sober. I walked around as if a dark cloud was over me—until I got to a meeting. And then, as if miraculously, I discovered hope again as I drank in the laughter and warmth from the fellowship. That’s when I heard this quote.

While it was hard to practice in the beginning, I got better at it as I persevered. And I had many occasions to practice it. The first thing I had to do, however, was recognize I had slipped into a funk because I was so used to feeling bad all the time. But once I did, I remembered I could start over. I needed help to do this, of course, and that’s when a quick prayer to my Higher Power helped. Even today, I often get quiet and ask God to reset my attitude, and it always works. It saves me from ruining my and other people’s day. Knowing I can always restart my day is another precious gift of recovery.

[bluidkiti]

August 28

Quote of the Week

"Drinking gave me the feeling of a job well done without having done a thing."

I remember a restaurant/bar in the rich neighborhood of Brentwood, California, I used to go to after work. I’d saddle up to the long, swank bar and order cocktails while I watched the successful people with money come in to have $200 dinners. I was struggling financially at the time and in the beginning I felt out of place, but after a few drinks I had goal-planned my first million and was soon feeling as if I belonged.

Years later in recovery while working on my Eighth Step, making a list of all the people I had harmed, I was surprised when my sponsor told me to put my name on it. When I asked why, he told me to list all the things I had wanted to do and what I had wanted to make out of my life, and then write about how alcohol and drugs had taken them away. I thought about that bar in Brentwood, and many more like it, and of all the plans and goals I had drank and used away.

When they say that alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful, they mean it in so many insidious ways. When I think of the potential, the future, the life I drank away, I’m sorry to my core. It’s hard to forgive myself sometimes. But when I think of all I have accomplished since I got sober, and of the lifetime of dreams still ahead, I’m filled with hope and gratitude. Today, I live in and appreciate the miracle of my recovery.

[bluidkiti]

September 4

Quote of the Week

"The degree of my anxiety is a measure of my distance from God."

Anxiety used to be the master of my life. Without a relationship with God, I faced life alone and was in constant fear of not getting my needs met or of losing something I had so desperately fought to get. The past was a constant source of regret and shame, and the future was filled with countless unknown dangers that would surely overwhelm me. All of this made the present intolerable.

When I entered recovery, I brought my constant obsession with the past and future into the rooms with me. Thankfully, my sponsor taught me about living one day at a time, and he showed me that this was where I would find God—today, right here, right now. He told me that if I could get present, and thus be in the presence of God, my anxiety would go away.

This was simple advice, but not so easy to follow. The more I worked at practicing it, though, the more I found it to be true. Over the years, I’ve discovered that the more I use the tools of the program—prayer and meditation, pausing and asking for God’s guidance, and acknowledging in the moment that God is here—the more I find myself in the peace and serenity of God’s presence. Today, I use the degree of my anxiety to measure my distance from God.

[bluidkiti]

September 11

Quote of the Week

"Don’t ruin an apology with an excuse."

I used to be full of excuses: “I didn’t do this because. . . . I acted this way because she did. . . . He deserved it, so I gave it to him.” On the rare occasion when I was cornered and couldn’t justify my behavior, I’d make an apology, but I’d always qualify it with an excuse or, at the very least, a justified reason. The bottom line was that I could always place the blame outside of myself.

As I worked through the Twelve Steps of the program, I discovered a fourth column in the Fourth Step called “my part.” While I at first resented having to look at my side of the street, I found that this column soon made up my Eighth Step list of amends. This column also made it clear what the proper definition of an apology was supposed to look like during my Ninth Step.

My sponsor told me that we don’t make apologies any longer, we make amends. And knowing this made the direction clear. Rather than revert back to old behavior and try to hide behind excuses and reasons, I was instead to focus strictly on my part, ask if there were any other wrongs I was unaware of, and then ask what I could do to make things better. “You’ve done enough damage,” I can still hear my sponsor tell me. “Whatever you do, don’t ruin your amends with a bunch of excuses.”

[bluidkiti]

September 18

Quote of the Week

"Become willing."

I wanted a lot of things before recovery, but I wasn’t willing to do much to get them. Instead, I had an inflated opinion of myself and what I thought I deserved. When I started a new job, within a couple of weeks I thought I knew enough to be running the company. In school, I felt I should be teaching the class, not taking notes. And in most social situations, I was better than and knew more than you. To say I was difficult to be around is putting it mildly.

When I started attending meetings, I felt I should have been given an award for staying sober for a week. When I read the Twelve Steps, I didn’t think Step Four really applied to me, and Step Nine was out of the question. My new sponsor suggested I stay focused on the First Step. When I started whining about following direction, he asked me if I could become willing. In those situations where I couldn’t, he recommended I pray for the willingness to become willing.

It took many years to shed my sense of entitlement, but now I’ve gained an important tool: willingness. Today, I know that if I want something—a more fulfilling career, more serene relationships, and a more spiritual perspective on my life—then I can have them as long as I become willing to put in the time and effort to work toward them. And even today, if I balk at what it might take, I can still pray for the willingness to become willing.

[bluidkiti]

September 25

Quote of the Week

"CALM: Care about life’s moments."

They say that one of the gifts of recovery is the sense of peace and calm that you get. I have heard it described as feeling comfortable in your own skin. That concept was totally foreign to me before I got sober; in fact, I felt the opposite way. My solution was a drink, and for brief moments I could relax and feel okay with myself. But by the end of my drinking, I was uncomfortable both drunk and sober, and that’s when I knew I had hit bottom.

I remember being amazed by how happy and easygoing everyone seemed in meetings. They could look me in the eye, smile, and offer me their phone numbers. They didn’t seem driven by the anxiety that was my constant companion, and I soon wanted what they had. I could have that, my sponsor assured me, if I was willing to do the things they did. And that meant working the Twelve Steps and developing a relationship with a Power greater than myself. I was willing.

It took years for me to work though the layers of my old self, but today I have the feelings of serenity and peace I sought. I even like and respect myself today. I am so very grateful to not feel that restlessness and discontent any longer. Today, I know calm and am able to take in and appreciate life’s precious moments. The gifts of sobriety go far beyond just not drinking, and these gifts are available to anyone who is willing to honestly work the program.

[bluidkiti]

October 2

Quote of the Week

"Be all right with being all right."

I was generally irritable, restless, and discontent before recovery. As a kid I was anxious and afraid of things. When I found alcohol, I finally found a way to be comfortable—hopeful even. Drinking gave me that sense of ease and confidence I saw in other people. Suddenly, I could dance better, talk to girls, and be one of the guys. Unfortunately, the solution soon became the problem, and I had to quit drinking.

In recovery, I felt very vulnerable without my solution. Soon all the feelings I used to drown out with alcohol were front and center. At times I thought I would be overwhelmed by them, so I did what was suggested: I took them to meetings, I shared them in fellowship, I inventoried them, and I worked the Steps on them. Sometimes it worked, but for when it didn’t, my sponsor would always bring me back to the present. He’d ask, “Are you all right, right now?” “Do you have enough food, gas, money, right now?”

It took a lot to corral my galloping mind and rope it back into the now. But each time I’d have to admit that, yes, right now I’m all right. Right now, everything is taken care of. After years of going through this exercise, I have the perspective to know that I really am all right. Problems come and go, but I’ve always survived them and have usually done just fine. What I’ve learned is that the key to my serenity is truly being all right with being all right. And when I can remember that, my serenity returns, and I can actually live happy, joyous, and free.

[bluidkiti]

October 9

Quote of the Week

"When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find that God lives there."

In the past, whenever I got to a bottom, I just moved over and started digging another hole. I would leave jobs, relationships, and even states looking for a different solution. I didn’t have a God in my life, so there was no turning it over. It wasn’t until I had broken my shovel and hit my final bottom that I was ready to admit complete defeat.

When I came into the rooms, I heard a lot about God. I didn’t like it. I had given up on Him a long time ago, and I was sure He had deserted me. What I came to find out was that God was always there to help me when I hit bottom. What I also learned, years later, was that He was there for me all along. I just had to ask for help sooner.

What I now know is that I don’t have to wait until I’m at my wit’s end to reach out and get help from God. He lives in me and is with me every step of the way. The key that opens the lock is and always has been willingness. And today, I’m much more willing to be willing. Today, I know I don’t have to reach my wit’s end to find out where God lives. I just have to ask for help.

[bluidkiti]

October 16

Quote of the Week

"I don’t react to the present the way I reacted to the past."

Last week I had a God shot that revealed the miracle of recovery in my life. An emotionally charged situation came up that used to trigger a wounded, withdrawn, and resentful reaction, but as it unfolded I noticed something wonderful happening inside me. For the first time, I was aware that I could choose a different, healthier way of responding. What a welcome change that was!

Before recovery, I was a slave to the old, hurtful wounds of my past. I was like one of Pavlov’s dogs: as soon as a stimulus was presented, I reacted automatically. And predictably, my reactions almost always made the situation worse. Not only was I unaware that I had a choice, I also had no idea there might be a better, more appropriate way of responding. And that’s what the miracle of recovery has given me.

Through years of working the program, running my thinking and ideas by my sponsor before I acted, and praying for an intuitive thought and then waiting for inspiration, I have developed the space to consider my options before responding. And in that space, newer, more appropriate choices are available to me. This new way of reacting has freed me, and allowed me to live a happier, healthier, and more fulfilled life. Today, I don’t react to the present the way I reacted to the past.

[bluidkiti]

October 23

Quote of the Week

"Decide what kind of day you’re going to have, then start it."

I used to let circumstances dictate my mood and how my day was going to go. I’d wake up, quickly survey all the bad things in my life, and then decide how bad the day was going to be. As I went through the morning, and then the day, it was easy to find evidence supporting how awful the day and my life were. Toward the end of the day, I couldn’t wait to start drinking to get some relief. And often that only made the day worse.

I’ll never forget sitting in a meeting in early recovery and hearing someone share a solution to this kind of thinking. She said simply that if you found yourself having a bad morning, or even a bad day, you could start your day over. She said that what you do is stop and get quiet, and say a prayer asking your Higher Power to restore you to sanity. After that, it helps to either write or mentally make a quick gratitude list. Finally, you spend the rest of that day looking for opportunities to be of service.

Like most things in the program, this sounded too simple to work for me, but I was willing to try it. With a little practice—meaning sometimes I had to restart my day five or six times—I got better and better at it. And again, like most things in the program, it works when I work it. Today, I realize that I don’t have to let circumstances dictate what kind of day or life I’m going to have. Instead, I can decide to have a good day, and when I do, I always find or create the evidence to support it.

[bluidkiti]

October 30

Quote of the Week

"Watch out; I still have a self-destruct button."

I used to be the master of self-sabotage and self-destruct. If things were going well, or might go well, I had the knack for ruining them. Surprise party for someone close to me? I would get tight at the party and spoil it. Great job interview in the morning? I would sleep in because I had celebrated too hard the night before. I foiled countless opportunities and thought my punishment was Alcoholics Anonymous.

When I was ninety days sober, at my regular Wednesday night meeting to take a chip, I left because they were out of them. I went home and drank. I beat myself up for months over that and finally crawled back four months later. As I worked through the Steps, I continued to make mistakes, and my anger grew into rage. To my surprise, I found my rage was mainly directed inward, and that’s when I discovered that the core characteristic of alcoholism is a deep self-loathing. That is why we can ruin so many lives and drink ourselves to death. . . .

It has taken many years to move beyond the illusion of alcoholic hatred. What I found is that in the core of each of us is not loathing but rather love—God’s love. Recovery means that we find this love and learn to act from it, and to share it with others. We rely on the Steps to help us grow past the destructive impulse of the disease, but we must remain vigilant because the disease never goes away. Today, I still have a self-destruct button, but I also have the path to healing and love. And because of recovery, I have the power to choose God’s love.

[bluidkiti]

November 6

Quote of the Week

"The key to my serenity today is directly linked to my ability to stay in the moment—to be in the present."

Before sobriety, I was rarely able to stay in the moment and instead spent most of my energy dwelling on other times. I was either thinking about the past and regretting what I did or didn’t do or obsessing about the future and about what will or won’t happen. The past and the future both filled me with anxiety, so I filled the present with as much alcohol as I could. After a while, my present became intolerable as well, and I admitted that my life had become unmanageable.

In recovery, I learned the true wisdom in this quote. My sponsor told me that the reason the past and future filled me with anxiety is that, when I go there, I go there alone, without God. God only exists in the present, he said, and that is the only place I can find true peace and serenity. And the way to be content with the present is to work the Steps, clear away the wreckage of our past, and develop an ongoing relationship with our Higher Power.

It took a lot of work to achieve recovery in the program, but the result has been life-changing. Through the Twelve Steps, I am able to live in the present and in the presence of my Higher Power. But alcoholism is a tricky disease, and it still tries to lead me into the dark past or an uncertain future. If I go there, I find myself again alone. My solution is to get back to “where my feet are”—to the present. Once I come back to the now, I come back to God, and my ability to be serene returns.