Thoughts To Help You On Your Recovery Path

[MajestyJo]

We never know what is going to happen each day, we never know what is coming our way, and what we need to handle. Life on life's terms, means stay clean and sober, using the Steps and going to our Higher Power for Good Orderly Direction.

[MajestyJo]

This past week to ten days, has been a prime example of this. So grateful my God is Comforter, Creator, Master, Teacher, Counsellor, and all things that I need in today.

[MajestyJo]

The only difference between stumbling blocks
and stepping stones is how we use them.

Founds this link, an interesting and informative read.

http://positiveattitude.entireyellowpages.com/51586.php

[MajestyJo]

Hooks which keep you boundary-less in relationships

1. Lack of Individual Identity

Maybe you are hooked by the irrational belief that: "I am a nobody without a somebody in my life." If you are, you maintain no boundaries with your relationship partners because you are very dependent in getting your identity from being with your partners. You are willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationships happen, even if you have to give up your health, money, security, identity, intelligence, spiritual beliefs, family, country, job, community, friends, values, honor and self-respect. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "I am a somebody, just by being who I am. I am OK just the way I am, even if I do not have my relationship partners in my life. My value and worth as a person is not dependent on having one or more significant others in my life. It is better for me to be on my own and healthy than to be with my relationship partners and be sick intellectually, emotionally and/or physically. I will work diligently with my relationship partners to correct this faulty thinking which has made me too dependent. By being more my own person, my relationships will flourish and grow healthier."



2. Scarcity Principle

Maybe you are hooked by the scarcity principle of feeling happiness: "because the current status of our relationship is better than anything we have ever had before." This is a common problem for people recovering from low self-esteem who have faced trials and challenges in relationships in the past. The problem is that the current status of your relationships might be better than what you have experienced in the past, but they might not really be as healthy and intimate as the intimate relationship described earlier. You may be so happy with your relationships' current functioning that you are willing to give all of yourself intellectually, emotionally and physically with no regard for what you need to retain for yourself so that you do not lose your identity in these relationships. You may be in a recovery program like AA, Alanon, NA, CODA, ACOA etc. You may be in a Bible Study Group or some other form of spiritual renewal self-help group. You may have a support system and a plan of recovery for personal and spiritual growth. You may find that in your relationships you have no time to do the "recovery or growth activities" of maintaining contact with your support system, going to 12 Step or other group meetings, or reading recovery literature or scripture. You may find it hard to maintain your new behavioral and emotional commitment to personal and spiritual growth in your relationships. If this is true, then your relationships may not be supportive for your personal and spiritual growth. Your relationshps may not be healthy for you no matter how good they look or how happy you are in them. If in your relationships you have no time to spend with your spouse, children, family or long term friends then it is not healthy no matter how happy you are in it. If in your relationships you have no time, energy or resources to put into your career, education or current job then they are not healthy for you no matter how happy you are in them. If in your relationships you are finding it difficult to maintain your own spirituality and connection with God then they are not healthy no matter how happy you feel in them. Relationships which require that you sacrifice all of you for the sake of the happiness you feel, in them, are not healthy intimate relationships. Healthy intimate relationships allow you to make time, space and allowance for you to focus on yourself, your own needs, your spouse, your children, your family, your friends, your recovery program, your support system, your career, your education, your spiritual beliefs and your personal integrity, individuality and identity. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "I will focus on my needs, my identity, my individuality and my personal integrity in my relationships. I will set aside my time, resources and energy to give to my spouse, my children, my family, my friends, my support system, my recovery program, my spirituality, my career, my education and my community involvement while maintaining healthy intimate relationships with my relationship partners. I will insist that I have the time, resources and energy to focus on all aspects of my life in my relationships. I will not become complacent in my relationships just because there are no conflicts or crisis in them at the time. I will work with my relationship partners to insure that the health of our relationships is ever growing and increasing."



3. Guilt

Maybe you are hooked by irrational guilt that you must think, feel and act in ways to insure that your relationships are preserved, secured and nurtured no matter what personal expense it takes out of you. You feel guilty if the your relationship partners are not succeeding or thriving without your personal resources, energy, money, time and effort going in to making such success happen. You have a problem of feeling over-responsible for the welfare of your relationship partners and cannot allow your partners to accept personal responsibility, to make choices and live with the consequences of these choices. This irrational guilt is a driving motivation to keep you tearing down your boundaries so that you will always be available to your relationship partners at any time, in any place, for whatever reason your relationship partners "need" you. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "My relationship partners and I are responsible for accepting personal responsibility for our own lives and to accept the consequences for the choices we make in taking care of our own lives. I am not responsible for the outcomes which result from the choices and decisions which my relationship partners make. My relationship partners and I are free to make our own decisions with no one forcing us to make bad ones which will result in negative consequences to ourselves if they should occur."



4. Inability to Differentiate Love from Sympathy

Maybe you are hooked by the inability to differentiate the difference between love and sympathy or compassion for your relationship partners. You find yourself feeling sorry for your relationship partners and the warm feelings which this generates makes you think that you are in love with them. The bigger the problems your relationship partners have, the bigger the "love" seems to you. Because the problems can get bigger and more complex, they succeed in hooking you to lower your boundaries so that you begin to give more and more of yourself to your "pitiable" relationship partners out of the "love" you feel. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "It is OK to have sympathy and compassion for my relationship partners, but that does not mean that I have to sacrifice my life to "save" or "rescue" my partners. Sympathy and compassion are emotions I know well and I will work hard to differentiate them from what love is. When I feel sympathy and compassion for my relationship partners, I will remind myself that it is not the same as loving them. The ability to feel sympathy and compassion for another human being is a nice quality of mine and I will be sure to use it in a healthy and non-emotionally hooked way in the future in my relationships."



5. Helplessness and Neediness of Relationship Partners

Maybe you get hooked by the neediness and helplessness of your relationship partners. You find yourself hooked when your partners get into self-pity, "poor me" and "how tough life has been." You find yourself weak when your relationship partners demonstrates an inability to solve personal problems. You find yourself wanting to teach and instruct, when your relationship partners demonstrate or admit ignorance of how to solve problems. You find yourself hooked by verbal and non-verbal cues which cry out to you to "help" your relationship partners even though your partners have the competence to solve the problem on their own. You find yourself feeling warmth, caring and nurturing feelings which help you tear down any shred of boundaries you once had. These sad, weak, distraught, lost, confused and befuddled waifs are so needy that you lose all concept of space and time as you begin to give and give and give. It feels so good. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "No one is helpless without first learning the advantages of being helpless. Helplessness is a learned behavior which is used to manipulate me to give of my resources, energy, time, effort and money to fix. I am a good person if I do not try to fix and take care of my relationship partners when my partners are acting helpless. I cannot establish healthy intimate relationships with my relationship partners if I am trying to fix or take care of them all of the time. I need to put more energy into fixing and taking care of myself if I find myself being hooked by my relationship partners' helplessness."
Continued>>>







11-26-2005, 04:01 AM #2
bluidkiti
Guest


Posts: n/a Re: Hooks which keep you boundary-less in relationships

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6. Need to be Needed

Maybe you get hooked by the sense of being depended upon or needed by your relationship partners. There is no reason to feel responsible for your relationship partners if they let you know that they are dependent upon and need you for their life to be successful and fulfilled. This is over‑dependency and is unhealthy. It is impossible to have healthy intimacy with overdependent people because there is no give and take. Your relationship partners could be parasites sucking you dry of everything you have intellectually, emotionally and physically. You get nothing in return except the "good feelings" of doing something for your relationship partners. You get no real healthy nurturing, rather you feel the weight of your relationship partners on your shoulders, neck and back. You give and give of yourself to address the needs of your relationship partners and you have nothing left to give to yourself. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "It is unhealthy for me to be so overly depended upon by my relationship partners who are adults. There is a need for me to be clear what I am willing and not willing to do for my relationship partners. There is a need for my relationship partners to become more independent from me so that I can maintain my own sense of identity, worth and personhood. It would be better for me to let go of the need to be needed than to allow my relationship partners to continue to have such dependency on me. I am only responsible for taking care of myself. Human adults are responsible to accept personal responsibility for their own lives. Supporting my relationship partners intellectually, emotionally and physically where I have nothing left to give to myself is unhealthy and not required in healthy relationships and I will be ALERT to when I am doing this and try to stop it immediately."



7. Belief that Time will Make it Better

Maybe you get hooked by the belief that: "If I give it enough time things will change to be the way I want them to be." You have waited a long time to have healthy intimate relationships, you rationalize: "Don't give up on them too soon." Since you are not sure how to have them or how they feel, you rationalize that maybe what the relationships need is more time to become more healthy and intimate. You find yourself giving more and more of yourself and waiting longer and longer for something good to happen and yet things never get better. You find that your wait goes from being counted by days, weeks or months to years. Time passes and things really never get better. What keeps hooking you are those fleeting moments when the relationships approximate what you would like them to be. These fleeting moments feel like centuries and they are sufficient to keep you holding on. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "It is unhealthy for me to sacrifice large portions of my life, invested in relationships which are not going anywhere. It is unhealthy for me to hold on to the belief that things will change if they have not in 1 or more years. It is OK to set time limits in my relationships such as: if in 3 months or 6 months things do not get to be intimately healthier then I am getting out of them or we will need to seek professional help to work it out. It is OK to put time demands on my relationships so that I do not waste away my life waiting for something which in all probability will never happen. It is not OK for me to blow out of proportion those fleeting moments in my relationships which make me believe that there is anything more in them than there really is."



8. Belief that It Must be All of My Fault that there are Problems in the Relationships

Maybe you get hooked by the belief that: "If I change myself more things will change to become more like I want them to be in my relationships." You rationalize that maybe the reason things are not getting healthier and more intimate is because you need to change more to be the person your relationship partners wants you to be. You feel blamed and pointed out by your relationship partners as the reason why things are not healthier or more intimate in your relationships. You find yourself having to defend yourself from attacks from your relationship partners for "not being good enough" or "doing enough" to make the relationships work. You find yourself with a mounting list of expectations, duties or responsibilities, given you by your partners, which must be accomplished if the relationships are ever to become what you want them to be. You find yourself needing to change the ways you think, feel, act, dress, talk, look, eat, work, cook, entertain, have fun, socialize, etc before you will be "good enough" for your relationships to work. You find that you will have to basically give up "who you are" for "who your partners want you to be" if the relationships are ever to work. You find yourself hooked by the challenge to change and you find yourself working harder and harder to effect the change. What keeps you hooked is the affirmation and reinforcement you get from your relationship partners when you effect a small change. The only problem is that there is always something else identified which needs to be changed after the last change has been accomplished. You are in a never ending loop of needing to change and unfortunately there never seems to be an end to it. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries for this hook is: "I have to be real to myself and be the person I am rather than to be the person my relationship partners want me to be. It is not healthy for me to give up my personhood and identity to please my partners just to maintain our relationships. I have a right to my own tastes, likes and dislikes, personal style, beliefs, values, attitudes etc. I am in control of my own thinking, feelings and actions. I will not allow my relationship partners to take control of my basic rights."

9. Fear of Negative Outcomes for Relationship Partners

Maybe you get hooked by the fear of the possible negative future outcome if you are not deeply involved in taking care of and fixing your relationship partners. You may be aware of the hooks which keep you boundary-less with your partners. Yet you are afraid to LET GO of the control you have with your relationship partners for fear something very negative might happen to them. Maybe you fear that your relationship partners would become: homeless, hungry, jobless, poor, lonely, scared, go to jail or worse yet die if you do not continue to fix and take care of their needs. This fear of the possible negative future outcomes is so debilitating, that it feels better being sucked dry intellectually, emotionally and physically than to LET GO and watch your relationship partners suffer these feared awful negative outcomes. You find yourself powerless to keep from doing the healthy thing because of the intensity of this fear. You have become a prisoner in the prison of these relationships. You have become a hostage of very powerful, needy, helpless, manipulative "hostage takers." You are a possession of your relationship partners. You find yourself doing all you are asked to insure that these possible negative dreaded outcomes do not happen. You are being emotionally blackmailed and may even have heard threats of suicide if you say you want to change or get out of the relationships the way they are. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "I am only responsible for my life. No one can make me responsible for my relationship partners' lives. I can choose to feel responsible for my relationship partners' lives, but I cannot control or determine the outcome of their lives no matter how hard I try. I am powerless to control other people, places, things and conditions. The only thing I can control is my own thinking, feeling and actions. I need to hand my relationship partners' problems and needs and the outcomes of their lives over to God. I cannot carry my relationship partners' possible negative future outcomes on my body or I will experience failed emotional and physical health. It is OK for me to expect my relationship partners to accept personal responsibility for their own lives. It is OK to require my relationship partners to accept the consequences for their own actions, choices and decisions."



10. Idealism or Fantasy Thinking

Maybe you are hooked by the fantasy or ideal about how it is supposed to be. You have an ideal, dream or image in your mind of how relationships are supposed to be or how they should be and you have a difficult time accepting them the way they really are. You work hard at making your relationships approximate your idealized fantasy. You put a great deal of time, energy and resources into making them become a reality. Unfortunately the more you give and give, the fantasy never becomes the reality you are wishing for. The pull to make the fantasy become real is very powerful. You seem brainwashed into believing that it is possible even though all of your efforts have not made it happen, after years and years of effort on your part. You get hooked by the delusion of the fulfillment of the fantasy and live as if the fantasy has become reality. You are sometimes so out of touch with reality that you appear to be psychotic to others when you discuss your relationships. They know they are not real and in some cases do not even closely approximate what you are saying. You keep pouring your resources, energy and time into empty pits which seem to never get filled. You become obsessed into acting and looking like the fantasy is real. You get hooked into waiting for the "big pay off" down the road if you just stick with your relationships. You remain loyal to the belief that it will happen one day. "Wake up and get off the fantasy train before it runs off the track!" you hear people saying but ignore their warnings and keep blindly on, in search of your quest. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "I must accept reality the way it is rather than how I want it to be. I will give my support system, in my recovery or spiritual renewal program, permission to call me on it if I am hooked into fantasy relationships and lose myself in them. I will work hard to stay reality based and keep myself from losing my objectivity and contact with the way things really are. I will make every effort to accept my relationships the way they are rather than how I want them to be. I am a human and subject to making mistakes and failing and I will forgive myself if I make a mistake in my efforts to establish healthy intimate relationships with my relationship partners. Once I give up the delusion that things are the way they are supposed to be, I will work with my partners to try to correct the problems in our relationships."

Original Source Unknown To Me

===========================

The topic at my meeting today was "Live and let live." I can't live my own life if I don't have boundaries. They get blurred, stepped on, stepped over, and I have to continually reinforce, set, and reinstate them.

Found this on another site, which I had snagged from Tammy's old site.

[MajestyJo]

Each Day a New Beginning

Even though I can't solve your problems, I will be there as your sounding board whenever you need me. --Sandra K. Lamberson

The prize we each have been given is our ability to offer full and interested attention to people seeking our counsel. And seldom does a day pass, that we aren't given the opportunity to listen, to nurture, to offer hope where it's been dashed.

We are not separate, one from another. Interdependence is our blessing; however, we fail to recognize it at our crucial crossroads. Alone we ponder. Around us, others, too, are often suffering in silence. These Steps that guide our lives push us to break the silence. The secrets we keep, keep us from the health we deserve.

Our emotional well-being is enhanced each time we share ourselves - our stories or our attentive ears. We need to be a part of someone else's pain and growth in order to make use of the pain that we have grown beyond. Pain has its purpose in our lives. And in the lives of our friends, too. It's our connection to one another, the bridge that closes the gap.

We dread our pain. We hate the suffering our friends must withstand. But each of us gains when we accept these challenges as our invitations for growth and closeness to others.

Secrets keep us sick. I will listen and share and be well.

We can be there for others. We can't do it for them, we can't fix them, we can't enable them, but we can share our own experience, strength, and hope. We can share what worked for us. That doesn't mean it will work for them, but it breaks the ice or any barrier and allows them to open up and give them the courage to share and recognize the fact that they are not alone. A burden shared is a burden lessened. A secret hidden is a one that festers and grows.

We can only help those who are willing to change. We can't shove the program down their throat, but we can walk our talk and hopefully, they will be attracted to what we have and want it for themselves.

[MajestyJo]

Today's thoughts from Hazelden are:

Stop Fixing Others

Dear Higher Power,

When I am overly dependent on others, I try to fix them. I have a real talent in pinpointing what is wrong with other people. But the very thing that enables me to see their defects most often blinds me to the same, sometimes even worse, shortcomings in myself.

Help me stop fretting about others and instead focus on correcting my own character defects.

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

A good reminder, my spiritual adviser said that it was okay to be a caretaker as long as I remembered to take care of me first. I always focused on others so I didn't have to focus on me, although I didn't consciously realize that is what I was doing.

To my way of thinking, they had the problem not me. On close inspection, I was just as sick, if not sicker than the "A" in my life. I was just as addicted to my controlling ways and I used my "A" to escape 'life' the way he used alcohol and drugs. I am powerless over people, places, and things.

[MajestyJo]

GET OUT OF YOURSELF

I've always been a runner trying to run away from life,

Running away from challenges, and any pain or strife.

I'd end up in a brand new town, but wouldn't be there long,

My problems would start up again, because I'd brought myself along.

I'd pack my bags and wander, always searching but never free,

Until one day I realized- the problem was with me.

After all those years of running, with alcohol and pain,

I'd finally hit my bottom, and I KNEW I was insane.

I began to go to meetings; my mind was in a daze,

It didn't really make much sense, but I listened anyway.

So I saved up mental scraps of advice, and put them on a shelf,

Until one day I pulled one out: It read," GET OUT OF YOURSELF"

I thought, "If I keep on thinking about me, I'm going to end up dead.

Maybe for once, what I'll try doing, is think of you instead!

They told me I had to give it away, it's better to give than receive.

You can't keep sobriety all for yourself, and so I began to believe.

So I joined a group and helped set up and stayed around late at the end,

And whenever a newcomer walked through the door, I just tried to be a friend.

This happened a number of years ago, and I hope that I'm here to stay.

And I keep on praying for the grace of God, so that SELF doesn't get in the way.

I'll always be grateful for the scrap of advice at the back of a dusty shelf,

And I'll always remember what the Old Timer said:

"Ye must get out of yourself!"

- from The Five As

[MajestyJo]

November 10, 2005
Smoothing Transitions
10 Steps To Making Change Easier
1. Begin by making small changes or break up large-scale changes into more manageable increments. This can make you feel better about handling the changes you are about to make while making you more comfortable with change in general.

2. Mentally link changes to established daily rituals. This can make changes like taking on a new habit, starting a new job, or adapting to a new home happen much more smoothly. For example, if you want to begin meditating at home, try weaving it into your morning routine.

3. Going with the flow can help you accept change instead of resisting it. If you stay flexible, you will be able to ride out change without too much turbulence.

4. When a change feels most stressful, relief can often be found in finding the good that it brings. An illness, a financial loss, or a broken relationship can seem like the end of the world, yet they also can be blessings in disguise.

5. Remember that all change involves a degree of learning. If you find change particularly stressful, try to keep in mind that after this period of transformation has passed, you will be a wiser person for it.

6. Remember that upheaval and confusion are often natural parts of change. While we can anticipate certain elements that a change might bring, it is impossible to know everything that will happen in advance. Be prepared for unexpected surprises, and the winds of change won't easily knock you over.

7. Don't feel like you have to cope with changing circumstances or the stress of making a change on your own. Talk about what's going on for you with a friend or write about it in a journal. Sharing your feelings can give you a sense of relief while helping you find the strength to carry on.

8. Give yourself time to accept any changes that you face. And as change happens, recognize that you may need time to adjust to your new situation. Allow yourself a period of time to reconcile your feelings. This can make big changes feel less extreme.

9. No matter how large or difficult a change is, you will eventually adapt to these new circumstances. Remember that regardless of how great the change, all the new that it brings will eventually weave itself into the right places in your life.

10. If you're trying to change a pattern of behavior or navigate your way through a life change, don't assume that it has to be easy. Wanting to cry or being moody during a period of change is natural. Then again, don't assume that making a change needs to be hard. Sometimes, changes are meant to be that easy.


What do you think?

Discuss this article and share your opinion

I embrace change in today. I have gone through several transitions in my life. I looked back on my life in recovery, and look at the cycles prior to recovery and what happened at that time. They say we are on a 7 year cycle.

i.e. I had issues at school, 14 was one of the biggest and most difficult times in my life. At 21 I was married, and at 27, I started on my party time and my father said, "You were such a quiet young thing, now you are making up for lost time. I was divorced at 25, and at 26 started dating. At 34, I remarried again to a guy who was more abusive than my first husband was, yet I stayed in that marriage for 7 years. At 41, I was divorced again and made the decision I needed to quit drinking. I didn't know about AA and I ended up substituting with pills. At 48, I was at my rock bottom, moved into the YWCA, what I call the transition, people are coming and going looking for a safe place and a new start. I came into recovery in 49, and worked with the social worker who introduced me to a recovery house and I found AA.

At 7 years sober, I found a new spiritual outlook and found that my God had many plans and good things in mind for me. I got more in touch with myself and it was a real growth period. At 21 years sober, I had to deal with a lot of health issues and found that no matter what, I don't have to use. I had a lot of web sites and I had to over come an addiction to building them. I liked making them but had trouble maintaining them. I ended up deleting them all. They were a great help spiritually for me as recovery friend sent me a lot of material, which I have posted on other people's sites. I had to have a place to put things. I went through a real big grieving process when I deleted them, because MSN closed down their sites and I posted them on another site.

So I am on my third cycle, and I know that my God still has plans for me. I am 73 years old, but as they say, it is only a number and most day I don't feel that old.

My God has been very good to me. He has seen me through a lot of pain. I went back to school and got involved in a lot of service over the years. I have been truly blessed. I am so glad I have this site to come to.

[MajestyJo]

If you are in the center of AA, you won't fall off the edge.

Directions to AA: Just go straight to hell and make a U-turn.

AA: Being a part of something is more important than being the center of attention.

AA is the only place whre you can walk into a room full of strangers and reminisce.
A.A. Romance......The odds are good......but the goods are odd.

AA: Look for a way in; not for a way out.

AA: We are not reformed drunks, but informed alcoholics.

AA has no fixed address--you can take it with you.

AA: We're here for a reason, not for the season.

AA Groups: An AA group will be judged by the worst behavior of its members.

AA Groups: When you clean up after your group, you leave the signature of AA behind you.

AA is a check-up from the neck up.

Before I came into AA I was dead, but I did not know enough to lie down.

AA is not a sentence, it is a reprieve.

A.A. is a self-help program but you can't do it by yourself.

AA won't keep you from going to hell nor is it a ticket to heaven but it will keep you sober long enough for you to make up your mind which way you want to go!

AA won't open the gates of heaven to let you in, but it will open the gates of hell to let you out.

In AA, there are no losers--just slow winners.

Alcoholic (as defined by self): A piece of crap the universe revolves around.

Alcoholic: Someone who refuses to give up a life of failure without a fight.

Alcoholic: A person who, when s/he goes to a wedding, wants to be the bride; when s/he goes to a funeral, wants to be the corpse.

Alcoholic: An alcoholic is someone who wants to be held while isolating.

Alcoholic: I may not be much, but I'm all I think about.

Alcoholic: If I could drink like a normal drinker, I'd drink all the time!

Alcoholic: If you drank enough to get to AA, you drank enough.

Alcohol: It provokes the desire but takes away the performance.

Only an alcoholic would believe that the solution to loneliness was isolation.

Alcoholics burn their bridges in front of them.

Alcohol: An alcoholic is someone who finds something that works and then stops doing it.

Alcohol: It's not what or how much you drank, it's what it did to you.

Alcohol: What you thought was the solution became the problem.

Alcoholic: Terminal uniqueness!

Alcoholic: They didn't make a glass big enough for me to have one drink.

Alcohol: You will be rich when you know you have enough.

Alcoholic drinking's three stages: impulsive ... compulsive ... repulsive.

Each and every alcoholic ---sober or not--- teaches us some valuable lessons about ourselves and recovery.

An alcoholic alone is slumming.

An alcoholic is not a guy who thinks he's had one too many.

He's usually the guy who thinks he's had one too few.

Every alcoholic's favorite brand: More!

If you think you are an alcoholic, chances are, you are.

Alcoholics heal from the outside in...but feel from the inside out.

The destiny of every alcoholic is to be locked up ... covered up ... or ... sobered up.

An alcoholic is a man with two feet firmly planted in mid-air.

You can carry the message, but not the alcoholic.

You're probably an alcoholic if: You think spilling beer is alcohol abuse.

Alcoholics are in a class by themselves. Everyone else has graduated.

Alcoholics are life-long loners who cannot stand to be alone.

Non-alcoholics change their behavior to meet their goals and alcoholics change their goals to meet their behavior.

Alcoholics aren't afraid to die. They're afraid to live.

Alcoholism: Alcohol went from being my best friend to my worst enemy.

Alcoholism: An alcoholic can be in the gutter, yet still look down on people.

Alcoholism: Guilt of yesterday, fear of tomorrow, shame of today.

Alcoholism: High bottoms have trap doors.

Alcoholism: If the cure works, chances are, you have the disease.

Alcoholism: If you drank long enough to get to an A.A. meeting, you drank long enough.

Alcoholism: Name it, Claim it, Tame it!!!

Alcoholism: Once you are a pickle, you can't be a cucumber. But once you are a pickle, you can be a newcomer.

Alcoholism is an equal opportunity destroyer.

Remember that alcoholism is .. incurable, progressive, and fatal.

Alcoholism: The three most dangerous words for an alcoholic -"I've been thinking"

Alcoholism: We are not bad people becoming good, but sick people becoming well.

Alcoholism: Your bottom just may be six feet under.

Alcoholism: Your disease progresses even when you are not drinking.

Alcoholism doesn't come in bottles; it comes in people.

Alcoholism is a self-diagnosed disease.

Some people think alcoholism is a two-fold disease -- more and right now.

Original source unknown

Have posted so many, don't know what's where!

[MajestyJo]

90 TOOLS FOR SOBRIETY

1 ) Stay away from that first drink, taking the 1st step daily.
2 ) Attend AA regularly and get involved.
3 ) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME.
4 ) Use the 24 Hour plan.
5 ) Turn your "dis-ease" to a sense of ease. Picture yourself as "recovered."
6 ) Do first things first.
7 ) Don't become too tired.
8 ) Eat at regular hours.
9 ) Use the telephone. (not just after the fact but during too.).
10) Be active - don't just sit around. Idle time will kill you.
11) Use the Serenity Prayer.
12) Change old routines and patterns.
13) Don't become too hungry.
14) Avoid loneliness.
15) Practice control of your anger.
16) Air your resentments.
17) Be willing to help whenever needed.
18) Be good to yourself, you deserve it.
19) Easy does it.
20) Get out of the "IF ONLY" trap.
21) Remind yourself HOW IT WAS. Your last drunk, the feelings etc. Picture better alternatives.
22) Be aware of your emotions. Reason about them.
23) Help another in his/her recovery, extend your hand, listen.
24) Try to turn your life and your will over to your Higher Power.
25) Avoid all mood-altering drugs, read labels on all medicines.
26) Turn loose of old ideas.
27) Avoid drinking situations/occasions.
28) Replace old drinking buddies with new AA buddies.
29) Read the Big Book.
30) Try not to be dependent on another (sick relationships). Be independent or inter-dependent.
31) Be grateful, and when you're not, make a GRATITUDE list.
32) Get off the "Pity Pot"...the only thing you'll get is a ring
around your bottom if you don't.
33) Seek knowledgeable help when troubled and or otherwise.
34) Face it! You are in control of your destiny.
35) Try the 12 and 12, not just 1 and 12 or 1, 12 and 13!
36) Let go and Let God.
37) Use the "God box." (Write down your worries and problems. Put them in the God box. Once you've done so, you can no longer think about them for that day. Use God's answers: yes, no, or wait, I have something better in store for you. Don't forget to say thanks.
38) Find courage to change through the example of others who have.
39) Don't try to test your will power. When in doubt, DON'T. (Or don't, yet.)
40) Live TODAY, not YESTERDAY, not TOMORROW - projection is planning
the results before anything even happens.
41) Avoid emotional involvements the first year - you end up putting
the other person first and lose sight of "your" program.
42) Remember, YOU ARE NOT YOUR DIS-EASE. So, take it easy on yourself.
43) Rejoice in the manageability of your new life.
44) Be humble--Humility is not in thinking of yourself more, but in
thinking more of yourself less often. Watch the ego.
45) Share your experience, strength and hope as much as possible and as creatively as possible.
46) Cherish your recovery.
47) Dump your garbage regularly - GIGO = Garbage In Garbage Out.
48) Get plenty of "restful" sleep.
49) Stay sober for you - not someone else - otherwise it won't work.
50) Practice rigorous honesty with yourself and others.
51) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME, not 10 years in one day!
55) Make no major decisions the first year.
56) Get a sponsor and use him/her.
57) Know that no matter what your problems, someone's had them before.
Don't be afraid to share, as a problem shared is one 1/2 solved.
58) Strive for progress not perfection.
59) When in doubt ask questions. The only stupid question is the one
not asked.
60) Use prayer and meditation.
61) Maintain a balance: spiritual, physical, emotional and mental.
62) Don't use other substances as a maintenance program.
63) Learn to take spot check inventories.
64) Watch out for the RED FLAGS ... things that give excuses for poor
behavior and inevitable relapse.
65) Know that its okay to be human ... just don't drink over it.
66) Be kind to yourself; it's about time, don't you think?
67) Don't take yourself so seriously - take the dis-ease seriously!
68) Know that whatever it is that's causing pain - it shall pass.
69) Stay as far away from the DRY DRUNK SYNDROME as humanly possible.
70) Don't give away more than you can afford oo, your sobriety comes
first and must be the number 1 priority. Protect it at all costs.
71) Take down those bricks from the wall around you; you'll be able to
see the daylight better. Let people know who you are.
72) Get a home group and attend it regularly.
73) Know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming
train, but actually a ray of hope. Drop the negativity.
74) Know that you are not alone, that's why the "We" is in the steps.
75) Be willing to go to any lengths to stay and be sober.
76) Know that no matter how bleak and dark your past may be, your
future is clean, bright and clear if you don't drink today.
77) Stay out of your own way.
78) Don't be in a hurry--remember "TIME = Things I Must Earn".
79) Watch the EGO. "EGO = Ease God Out".
80) Protect your sobriety at all costs. Keep the light on you.
81) Learn to listen, not just hear. Be open-minded and nonjudgmental.
82) Know that if your insides match your outsides, everyone looks good.
83) If the rest of the world looks bad, check yourself out first.
84) Gratitude is in the attitude.
85) When all else fails ... punt! Up the number of meetings!!!
86) Remember FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL!
87) If they knew better, they'd do better. Think about letting things go.
88) Handle what you can and leave the rest, don't overtax yourself.
You can only accomplish so much in a given 24 hours.
89) Honesty and consistency are key factors in recovery.
90) Let the little kid in you out - learn how to laugh from the gut.

-adapted from ideas by Bob

This is posted in another section, but just in case you missed it!

[MajestyJo]

Relapse Checklist

The following is a checklist of symptoms leading to relapse
(taken from a Hazeldon Foundation pamphlet called, "A Look at Relapse"

1. EXHAUSTION - Allowing yourself to become overly tired
or in poor health. Some Alcoholics are also prone to work
addictions - perhaps in a hurry to make up for lost time.
Good health and enough rest are important. If you feel well you
are more apt to think well. Feel poorly and your thinking
is apt to deteriorate. Feel bad enough and you might begin
thinking a drink couldn't make it any worse.

2. DISHONESTY - This begins with a pattern of unnecessary
little lies and deceits with fellow workers, friends, and
family. Then come important lies to yourself. This is
called "rationalizing" - making excuses for not doing what you
don't want to do, or for doing what you know you should not do.

3. IMPATIENCE - Things are not happening fast enough. Or,
others are not doing what they should or what you want them to
do.

4. ARGUMENTATIVENESS - Arguing small and ridiculous
points of view indicates a need to always be right. "Why
don't you be reasonable and agree with me?" Looking for an
excuse to drink?

5. DEPRESSION - Unreasonable and unaccountable despair may
occur in cycles and should be dealt with - talked about.

6. FRUSTRATION - At people and also because things may not be
going your way. Remember -- everything is not going to be just the
way you want it to be.

7. SELF-PITY - "Why do these things happen to me?" "Why
must I be an alcoholic?" Nobody appreciates all I am
doing - for them?

8. thingyINESS - Got it made - no longer fear alcoholism -
going into drinking situations to prove to others you have no
problem. Do this often enough and it will wear down your
defenses.

9. COMPLACENCY - "Drinking was the furthest thing from my
mind." Not drinking was no longer a conscious thought,
either. It is dangerous to let up on disciplines just because
everything is going well. Always to have a little fear is a good thing.
More relapses occur when things are going well than otherwise.

10. EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM OTHERS - "I've changed; why
hasn't everyone else?" It's a plus if they do, but it is still
your problem if they do not. They may not trust you yet, may
still be looking for further proof. You cannot expect others
to change their style of life just because you have.

11. LETTING UP ON DISCIPLINES - Prayer, meditation, daily
inventory, AA attendance. This can stem either from complacency or
boredom. You cannot afford to be bored with your program. The cost of
relapse is always too great.

12. USE OF MOOD-ALTERING CHEMICALS - You may feel the
need to ease things with a pill, and your doctor may go
along with you. You may never have had a problem with chemicals
other than alcohol, but you can easily lose sobriety starting
this way - about the most subtle way of having a relapse.
Remember you will be cheating! The reverse of his is true for
drug-dependent persons who start to drink.

13. WANTING TOO MUCH - Do not set goals you cannot reach with
normal effort. Do not expect too much. It's always great when good
things you were not expecting happen. You will get what you are entitled
to as long as you do your best, but maybe not as soon as you think you
should. "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you
have."

14. FORGETTING GRATITUDE - You may be looking negatively on your
life, concentrating on problems that still are not totally corrected. Nobody
wants to be a Pollyanna - but it is good to remember where you started
from, and how much better life is now.

15. "IT CAN'T HAPPEN TO ME" - This is dangerous thinking.
Almost anything can happen to you if you get careless.
Remember you have a progressive disease, and you will be in
worse shape if you relapse.

16. OMNIPOTENCE - This is a feeling that results from a
combination of many of the above. You now have all the
answers for yourself and others. No one can tell you anything.
You ignore suggestions or advice from others. Relapse is
probably imminent unless drastic change takes place.

[MajestyJo]

~ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions ~

I came to a meeting, all sad and alone,
So sick and tired, of the life I had known,

...Aching and dying, deep down inside,...
And feeling the pain, from the things i must hide.

They told me they loved me, and were glad I was there,
Who are these people, and why should they care?

But the more that I listened, the more I could see,
This room full of addicts, were just like me.

I started to share, trying hard not to cry,
and I no longer felt like I wanted to die.

I wanted to live, but hadn't a clue,
Of what to say, feel, or do.

These people were clean, and would show me the way,
So i listened some more, to what they had to say,

They spoke of a God, and "just for one day"
So I thought, "What the hell," and I started to pray.

They said "get a sponsor," and "keep coming back".
they said a program was all I did lack.

They said "Work the steps, or your going to die".
So I got me a sponsor and i started to try.

I shared with my sponsor who I had become,
The people I had hurt, the things I had done,

He told me he loved me, and then shared with me,
The things he had done, and who he used to be.

That's when i knew, and could finally see,
That if i worked the steps, that I too could be free.

Free from drugs, and feeling that way,
Free from obsession, just for today

So I listen to what you have to share,
Tell you I love You, let you know that i care,

Let you know I have found, a much better way,
Its working a program, we call N.A.

It's sharing my experience, strength, and hope as I trudge,
Its living a life, and not holding a grudge.

It's sharing with newcomers, as they wonder in,
And as they start to listen, they know they can win.

If we all really listen, to what's being said,
The thing's that they shared, the book that is read.

If we listen and learn, we will surely see,
How truly delightful recovery can be.

Anonymous

[MajestyJo]

HOW TO JEOPRODIZE YOUR RECOVERY:

ARGUMENTATIVENESS:
Arguing small, ridiculous points of view, looking for excuses to get angry.

CHEMICALS:
Using pills to ease tension.

thingyINESS:
Think you have it made, forgetting to guard against the things that lead to emotional problems.

COMPLACENCY:
Letting up on disciplines, getting lazy on recovery.

DEPRESSION:
Unreasonable despair, staying stuck, giving up.

DISHONESTY:
Little lies, deceits and making excuses.

EXHAUSTION:
Becoming overly tired, being a workaholic. If you don't feel well physically, your thinking is apt to deteriorate.

EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM OTHERS:
Expecting others to follow your script and to change because you have changed.

FORGETTING GRATITUDE:
Forgetting how things have improved since you first started.

FRUSTRATION:
When things are not going your way.

IMPATIENCE:
Things are not happening fast enough, others not doing what you think they should do when you think they should do it.

SELF PITY:
Why do these things happen to me? Why do I have these problems?

SKIPPING THE BASICS:
Meetings, Fellowship, Meditation, Prayer, Personal Inventory.

OMNIPOTENCE:
Thinking you are all powerful, that you have everything under "CONTROL" ignoring suggestions and advice, having all the answers.

WANTING TOO MUCH:
Expecting recovery overnight, over-emphasizing the material things, concentrating on not having what you want rather than concentrating on wanting what you have.

[MajestyJo]

THINGS THAT CAN STAND IN THE WAY OF YOUR RECOVERY

D.E.N.I.A.L. - Don't Even Notice I Am Lying

Lips are moving, we're off and running.
Ever told a story, joke or lie so many times that even you believe it's true?

H.O.W. - Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness
This ones for you, Dad! Hope you like it.

S.L.I.P. - Sobriety Lost It's Priority / So Long, I'm Perfect
If you don't want to slip, stay out of slippery places!

B.I.B.L.E. - Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth
Take it as you will.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.
My Way - No, My Way! - No My Way!

You're as sick as your secrets.
Most of the time, folks see it, know it, or feel it in some way or another, anyway. Get it?

S.O.B.E.R. - Son Of a !!!!!, Everything's Real
WOW! Life happens at the funniest times!

F.I.N.E.
[I'm] Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional

F.E.A.R.
Face Everything And Recover

N.U.T.S.
Not Using The Steps

E.G.O.
Edging God Out

D.E.N.I.A.L.
Don't Even Notice I Am Lying

H.A.L.T.
[Don't get too] Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

H.O.P.E.
Happy Our Program Exists

H.O.W.
Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness

G.O.D.
Good Orderly Direction

B.I.G. B.O.O.K.
Believing In God Beats Our Old Knowledge

S.L.I.P.
Sobriety Losing Its Priority

A.C.T.I.O.N.
Any Change To Improve Our Nature

P.R.O.G.R.A.M.
People Relying On God Relaying A Message

S.T.E.P.S.
Solutions To Every Problem Sober

K.I.S.S.
Keep It Simple, Sweetheart

Seven missed meetings makes one weak.

HALT: Don't get
too Hungry,
too Angry,
too Lonely, or
too Tired!!

If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got.
or
If you keep doin' what your doin'
you'll keep gettin' what your gettin'

A.B.C. - Acceptance, Belief, Change

A.C.T.I.O.N. - Any Change Toward Improving One’s Nature

E.G.O. - Edging God Out

F.A.I.L.U.R.E. - Fearful, Arrogant, Insecure, Lonely, Unsure, Resentful, Empty

F.E.A.R. - Face Everything & Recover /False Expectations Appearing Real

G.O.D. - Good Orderly Direction

H.A.L.T. - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

H.E.L.P. - Hope, Encouragement, Love, Patience

T.I.M.E. - Things I Must Learn

Progress not perfection.

Change the things I can.

[MajestyJo]

AA slogans, sayings, and assorted inspirations

The steps keep us from suicide; the traditions keep us from homicide.

The only thing alcoholics do in moderation is the 12 steps!

The elevator is broken - take the steps!

Step 13: My life is unmanageable, and I want to share it with you.

It's alcohol-ism, not -wasm.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Gossip hurts - and sometimes kills.

Pain is necessary, suffering is optional!

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

If you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got.

Some things have to be believed to be seen.

Feelings aren't facts!!!

In AA, first we remove the anesthesia, then we operate.

Fellowship is the meeting after the meeting.

Let us love you until you learn to love yourself.

Isolation is the dark room where we develop our 'negatives'.

Compare and despair.

Don't compare you insides to other people's outsides.

Let go or get dragged.

If your spinning your wheels, try getting out of the driver's seat.

If your a$$ falls off, pick it up, put it in a paper bag, and carry it to a meeting.

Remember the cost of your last drink or drug when observing the 7th tradition.

Take an action, then let go of the results.

Carry the message, not the mess.

Don't tease your disease.

It's the first car of a train that kills you, not the caboose.

Relapse is NOT a requirement.

Relapse begins long before you pick up the drink/drug.

If you hang around a barbershop long enough, eventually you'll get a haircut.

Those who matter, don't mind; those who mind, don't matter.

Expectations are preconceived resentments.

Serenity isn't freedom from the storm; it is peace within the storm.

Don't speak unless you can improve on silence.

You don't need to "find God"; He isn't lost.

Tell it to your sponsor, or you will be telling it to a bartender.

Surrendering means you don't have to fight any more.

Surrender Dorothy!

I didn't use drugs, drugs used me.

You can be just a crazy sober as you were drunk, you'll just remember it the next day.

AA Sayings - The Complete? List - "Easy Does It", "Keep it Simple Stupid", and many more.

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